A few days before his passing away, Sri Ramakrishna lay asleep on his bed at Kashipur Garden House with Narendranath at his feet sitting and serving him, perhaps gently rubbing his feet or fanning him. A thought arose in Narendra's mind, "Now in this pain of terminal cancer if he (Sri Ramakrishna) can say that he is God, I will accept it." Instantly, Sri Ramakrishna opened his eyes and said, "Even now you disbelieve? He who is Rama, He who is Krishna, has now descended in this body as Ramakrishna, but it is not in your Vedantic sense." Narendranath was dumbfounded.

This episode has been chronicled in 'Sri Sri Ramakrishna Kathamrita' or 'The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna' by Mahendranath Gupta or M.

There is a sequel to this development in my life. In the early 1990s, I cannot recall which year, one Wednesday evening my mother came back excitedly from attending the Kathamrita class conducted by Swami Lokeshwarananda at the Ramakrishna Mission Institute of Culture. She burst a literal bombshell when she said, "Do you know what Swami Lokeshwaranandaji said today? He said that Thakur had not only said to Swamiji (read Narendranath) that he was Rama and Krishna in his previous incarnations but had actually given him visions to the same effect by alternately changing his form to that of Rama first and to that of Krishna thereafter." I was stupefied and could neither disbelieve my own mother nor accept it wholeheartedly till I had personally heard it from Lokeshwaranandaji himself. So, I decided to attend the following Wednesday's Kathamrita class.

Wednesday came. I was there at the Vivekananda Hall. The class went on as usual, was over after an hour at 7.15 p.m. when the prostrations (pranam) began. Devotees touched Swami Lokeshwaranandaji's feet. Some devotees waited on and I with them. The exit door of the hall was shut and Lokeshwaranandaji with his small group of intimate devotees was exiting the hall through the side door when I accosted him with thus, "Maharaj, I have something to ask you. Last Wednesday my mother had attended your class and had heard you say that Thakur had actually changed form to those of Rama and Krishna before Swamiji (read Narendranath) when he revealed at Kashipur who he was. I was absent last Wednesday at the Kathamrita class and missed it. I wish to hear it from your lips once again, Maharaj."

Swami Lokeshwaranandaji who was on the move halted in his course as did his entourage of devotees. He looked at me, cast an X-ray gaze through my being to know my intent and the content of my mind before softening up and proceeding thus: "Yes, it is a closely guarded secret at Belur Math which has been passed down from generation to generation of monks. We have heard it from our seniors.

At Kashipur